Money + Black Friday = Happiness?
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Who Took the Boo Out of Halloween?
“They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the f***ing
smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.”
movie. It may not ring true for all you listers, but certainly strikes a
chord with me. You see, I have this uncanny ability to spend money. Sounds
terrible I know. It is. It’s as if the pocket of my jeans were actually on fire
Buy sold the only extinguisher in town.
For anyone like me, this smoldering “burden” makes
Thanksgiving more like Black Friday Eve. Forget the corn and yams, I’ll devour
as much tryptophanic
turkey as I can, because the faster I unbuckle my belt, the faster I plop on
that couch, the faster I fall asleep, and the faster the 5
a.m. early bird specials come around. I cannot wait! I’ll admit, one my pet
peeves is standing
in line (due to an ADHD-induced lack of patience). Not to mention my
displeasure with the frigid Midwest November weather. But the sales make all the
miseries worth the wintry wait.
I am pretty sure Black
Friday grew from people’s tendencies to start their Christmas shopping for
friends and loved ones the day after Thanksgiving. And believe me, until Black
Friday is marked as an official
holiday in America, I will be using my float days to pretend it is (btw,
Barack, if you’re listening maybe you should consider my plea as a part of your
fiscal rescue plan for your inaugural year in the Oval
For me Black Friday as good as it gets. Forget Christmas and
birthdays when you get presents you don’t want and never asked for: the
multi-colored plaid shirts, re-gifted
label-makers, and holiday gift baskets with 6 types of cheese and chocolate that
come February turn to so moldy your
chocolate lab won’t even steal off your kitchen counter. My Black Friday
shopping carts are selfishly stuffed with toys for me. It’s awful really. I am
not a selfish person – just a victim of marketing.
Take my downfalls as a lesson of the misguided and
ill-mannered. The holiday season is not about toys.
It’s not about gifts and getting. It’s about giving. And it doesn’t even have to
be the gift of material things – give love and happiness
and help. Lend a hand to those in need and enjoy your time with family and friends.
But also remember:
“Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't
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I can’t believe it’s been a year since my
rant about how Halloween is supposed to be a night of fright, not this funny
fools’ day it’s turned into. And I’m still peeved. Why are television
stations airing National Lampoon’s Vacation over-and-over again when there are
of great scary movies they could show instead?
Instead of watching Michael Myers chop up all the
trick-or-treaters in Haddonfield, we get Clark
Griswold and family on their “merry” way to Wally World. Yeah there are some
deaths (dragging Dinky to death behind the car and Aunt Edna passing in her
sleep in the backseat), but they’re funny
deaths. And sure Harold Ramis, one of the original Ghostbusters
directed it (which by the way is painfully more funny than it is scary), but
c’mon! I am looking for horror
movies deaths. “Final Destination” meets Jason Voorhees meets “The Hills
Have Eyes.” I want to be scared on Halloween! Give me “Halloween”
and “Friday the 13th,”
or at least “Nightmare on Elm Street.” Where’s Freddy
and Jason and Jigsaw and Chucky? Is AMC the only channel that gets it? Or
have all the funny, cute little Halloween
costumes distorted all our “fragile
I have a favor to ask of you. Instead of giving treats to
every trick-or-treater this year,
reward the scary skeletons and ugly witches. Give the gobstoppers to goblins,
ghosts and ghouls. And trick those funny, cute kids with an apple
And any of you trick-or-treaters out there, let’s get back to
the roots of Beggar’s Night. Remember the history behind the tradition, if
someone forgets the treats,
or leaves a “please take one” basket out, make sure you play
an idle trick on the house or the homeowners. That is what the saying is all
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