OCD-Unwrappers and Plain Cheese Pizza
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A Nerd's Quarter-Life Crisis Breeds Jealousy
Season’s Greetings Listers,
Wrap all your gifts yet? Well don’t rush! How you wrap
a gift says a lot about who you are. And how you open it says even more.
Think about the cheapies whose gifts are wrapped in last
page. And the lazies thrown in a plastic bag with the grocery receipt still
stuck inside. Think about the hectic gifters with too much paper and the last
green-tagged piece of Scotch
tape. Compare those wrappers to OCD-gifters, with perfectly creased
parallel lines, symmetrical bows, curled ribbons, and snowman nametags written
in loopy cursive.
Now think about those “kids”
who tear through their gift then race to the next. Directly contrasting the
patiently-waitings, who keep to themselves until each gift has been handed out,
sincerely savoring each and every present, opening not only the bag or wrapping,
but also the manufacturer packaging, reading the card verbatim, and actually
using the gift before moving on. And then there are the OCD-unwrappers
making sure not to tear the paper, saving it for re-gifting next
impressions are everything. And a first impression is hard to change. But
it’s not impossible! Anything can sway someone’s initial opinion, but not just
playlist, your favorite movie, the clothes you wear, the house you keep, the
team you cheer for, or the job you work; the quirky
little things matter too.
Consider an order at Subway,
or Chipotle, or even a pizza, and the volumes that speaks to others about who
you are. Ham and provolone on white with mustard, lettuce tomato is simple and
plain. Spicy Italian is care-free. Specialty sammies are for the adventurous.
And how about the vegetarian Chipotle burrito with no beans or sour cream? Or
the vast differences in people who get plain cheese pizzas
I’ve heard bartenders
and waitresses say they can predict what certain people will order. Every
stereotypical person orders a stereotypical drink. Cheap people drink Mt. Dew
Island Iced Teas. Classy and mature people order martinis (hence Bond’s
shaken-not-stirred). A beer for the blue-collared and wine for the house-wife.
Every order says something. Every action delivers a reaction.
Every moment can have a lasting impression.
This holiday season, pay attention as friends and family are
opening their gifts, not just at the wrap-job, but the gifts inside and
reactions whilst opening. And the lesson
learned? Don’t jump to assumptions because that just make an… well you know.
Wait to make “donkeys”
until you take them out for pizza and a drink.
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So last Friday
I turned 25. Twenty-five! Twenty-five
years I’ve been wandering around trying to figure “it” out. And twenty-five
years spent, or maybe wasted is the better word, not figuring “it” out. Okay,
maybe “wasted” is a bit pessimistic.
It’s probably the quarter-life crisis talking.
But seriously, birthdays split the world in two. Those who
love birthdays, tell everyone they know it’s coming, buy themselves presents and
bake themselves cake - and those who dread it like a funeral. But it’s not so black
and white; it’s more like a peanut
butter and jelly sammy. Pull apart a PB&J and on the jelly half you’ll
find some peanut butter, and on the PB half you’ll find some J.
Some people dread a birthday one year, but fervently await
the next. I, on the other hand, have celebrated every birthday of my life –
until this one. This one was different. Every kid celebrates his 13th
(teens), 16th (driving), 18th (cigarettes and porn…
and voting), and 21st (drinking).
After twenty-one, the 22nd through 24th are typically blurry, and then
all-of-a-sudden you’re 25! Twenty-five starts the beginning of the birthdays of
dismay. Twenty-five = adulthood. And with adulthood
comes those scary words like marriage, children, career, mortgage, and
responsibility. Then by 30 you are supposed to have those figured out and you
have a new list of words to worry about. It never ends!
I realize these rationalizations are a bit extreme, but I’m
in the business of hyperboles.
Still, I am jealous of the teenage birthday, the first-car birthday, the
cigarettes, dirty-magazine and hung-over birthdays. Of course! Who isn’t? The
question is how do you turn these 5s and 0s birthdays into something to
celebrate? The trick
is not worrying about what you haven’t figured out yet, birthdays should be
celebrations of everything you have figured out. I was surprised to see what I
came up with:
It’s okay to
be a complete nerd,
and especially a dork in disguise!
controls you and your actions. By conquering fear, you gain
and the government just throw money at problems to make them go
Do what you’re
good at doing
you’re good at something, never do it for free
And though money
may not buy you happiness, it sure helps
and Tom Cruise are crazy
the world in two (this time it is black-and-white, no grey middle between the
haters and the lovers)
breeds negativity, and negativity breeds jealousy. Stay away from
Eating two Chipotle
burritos with chips & salsa in one sitting is nearly
There is a
fine line between passion and obsession
don’t REALLY matter, so let it slide
Wars will always be totally awesome
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