Hey Listers,

So last Friday I turned 25. Twenty-five! Twenty-five years I’ve been wandering around trying to figure “it” out. And twenty-five years spent, or maybe wasted is the better word, not figuring “it” out. Okay, maybe “wasted” is a bit pessimistic. It’s probably the quarter-life crisis talking.

But seriously, birthdays split the world in two. Those who love birthdays, tell everyone they know it’s coming, buy themselves presents and bake themselves cake - and those who dread it like a funeral. But it’s not so black and white; it’s more like a peanut butter and jelly sammy. Pull apart a PB&J and on the jelly half you’ll find some peanut butter, and on the PB half you’ll find some J.

Some people dread a birthday one year, but fervently await the next.  I, on the other hand, have celebrated every birthday of my life – until this one. This one was different. Every kid celebrates his 13^th (teens), 16^th (driving), 18^th (cigarettes and porn… and voting), and 21^st (drinking). After twenty-one, the 22nd through 24th are typically blurry, and then all-of-a-sudden you’re 25! Twenty-five starts the beginning of the birthdays of dismay. Twenty-five = adulthood. And with adulthood comes those scary words like marriage, children, career, mortgage, and responsibility. Then by 30 you are supposed to have those figured out and you have a new list of words to worry about. It never ends!

I realize these rationalizations are a bit extreme, but I’m in the business of hyperboles. Still, I am jealous of the teenage birthday, the first-car birthday, the cigarettes, dirty-magazine and hung-over birthdays. Of course! Who isn’t? The question is how do you turn these 5s and 0s birthdays into something to celebrate? The trick is not worrying about what you haven’t figured out yet, birthdays should be celebrations of everything you have figured out. I was surprised to see what I came up with:

·         It’s okay to be a complete nerd, and especially a dork in disguise!

·         Fear controls you and your actions. By conquering fear, you gain control

·         The Yankees and the government just throw money at problems to make them go away

·         Do what you’re good at doing

·         If you’re good at something, never do it for free

·         And though money may not buy you happiness, it sure helps

·         Britney Spears and Tom Cruise are crazy

·         NASCAR splits the world in two (this time it is black-and-white, no grey middle between the haters and the lovers)

·         Jealousy breeds negativity, and negativity breeds jealousy. Stay away from both.

·         Eating two Chipotle burritos with chips & salsa in one sitting is nearly impossible

·         There is a fine line between passion and obsession

·         Most things don’t REALLY matter, so let it slide

·         Sequels always disappoint

·         And… Star Wars will always be totally awesome

Lists Hidden in This Newsletter

December 5th Birthdays: Walt Disney, Art Monk and Martin Van Buren

Top 10 Xmas Gifts for a Single 20-Something Male who likes Sports, Movies and Beer... Dugh!

Top 20 Pessimistic Quotes

List of Complete Opposites

Best Sandwiches

Barrymore & Electra: Best Celebrity "Playboy" Covers   

Top 20 Schools for Lots of Hard Liquor

Adult Words You Dread Growing Up and Having to Deal With

List of Hyperboles

10 Simple Ways to Save Yourself From Messing up Your Life

Geeky Pickup Lines for Nerds & Dorks

Fear of Vomiting: Top 10 Phobias in the U.S.

Top 10 "Dark Knight" Quotes

How to Win Someone Back

Worst Fast Food You Can Eat

Disappointingly Worst Sequels Ever

Only Actors in All 6 Star Wars Films

 

ListAfterList Updates and Reminders

Make your own “Things I’ve Figured Out” list at LAL today!

Check out my birthday newsletter from last year and see how I’ve grown! Hah!

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