Television is full of funny people on comedic sitcoms. These are some of the most amusing quotes in the history of TV.

  1. "Mista Koter…" - Vinnie Barbarino - "Welcome Back Kotter"
  2. "But Ricky!" - Lucy Ricardo - "I Love Lucy"
  3. "Oh my God." - Joey - "Friends"
  4. "Let's ignore Angela. She can't help herself. She's the product of a two-parent household." - Rayanne - "My So Called Life"
  5. "No, I mentioned the Bisque." - Elaine - "Seinfeld"
  6. "Maybe the Dingo ate your baby." - Elaine - "Seinfeld"
  7. "Oh the humanity!" - Newman - "Seinfeld"
  8. "I don't mind being called a liar when I am lying, when I am about to lie or just finished lying... but not when I am telling the truth." - Homer - "Simpsons"
  9. "If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake." - Dr. Lisa Cuddy - "House"
  10. "It takes two department heads to treat shortness of breath? What, did the complications increase exponentially with cup size?" - Dr. Lisa Cuddy - "House"
  11. "Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up." - Dr. Gregory House - "House"
  12. "Yeah, that's the ticket" - Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar - "Saturday Night Live"
  13. "Up your nose with a rubber hose." - Vinnie Barbarino - "Welcome Back, Kotter"
  14. "Whatchoo talkin' bout Willis?" - Arnold - "Different Strokes"
  15. "Aaaah! Gibbs! Didn't your momma teach you not to sneak up on people?" - Abby Sciuto - "NCIS"
  16. "You can't rush science, Gibbs! You can yell at it and scream at it, but you can't rush it." - Abby Sciuto - "NCIS"
  17. "Hand me that foot, would you?" - Dr. Al Robbins - "CSI"
  18. "Causality? Well, OK, you know, one event causes another, OK, but sometimes, you just gotta say, the laws of time and space? Who gives a smeg!'" - Kryten - "Red Dwarf"
  19. "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast." - Ace - "Red Dwarf"
  20. "We deserve a night of fun, don't you think? I mean, it breaks up those nights of death and mayhem." - Doyle - "Angel"
  21. "Hey, I'd rather have a hydrochloric acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive of wasps to nest in my throat. I'd rather sit through a junior high school production of Cats - You see where I'm going with this?" - Lorne - "Angel"
  22. "No whammies, no whammies..." - (every contestant) - "Press Your Luck"
  23. "D'oh!" - Homer - "Simpsons"
  24. "I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual." - Dr. House - "House M.D."
  25. "Exxxxcellent." - Mr. Burns - "The Simpsons"
  26. "Mmmm, floor pie." - Homer - "The Simpsons"
  27. "Yadayadayada…" - Elaine - "Seinfeld"
  28. "Candygram." - Landshark - "Saturday Night Live"
  29. "You need to flush the gaskets." Jerry - "Seinfeld"
  30. "Here it is, your moment of Zen." - Jon Stewart - "The Daily Show"
  31. "Denial is not just a river in's a freakin Ocean." - Meredith - "Grey's Anatomy"
  32. "I am Kid O'Dyno-Mite!" - JJ - "The Good Times"
  33. "You must be twrazy." - Uncle Bernie - "The Bernie Mac Show"
  34. "You Tommy, aint got no job." - Martin - "The Martin Lawrence Show"
  35. "You're pushing your luck, little man." - Soup Nazi - "Seinfeld"
  36. "Wood is Good" - Kramer - "Seinfeld"
  37. "Out with the old, in with the nucleus." - Homer's physics professor - "The Simpsons"
  38. "But I don't wanna be a Pirate!" - Jerry - "Seinfeld"
  39. "I must be a noble vampire... a good guy, on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless... I'm a vamprie with a soul!" - Spike - "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
  40. "Use the forks, Homer." - Mark Hamill - "The Simpsons"
  41. "The who whatting how with huh?" - Buffy - "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
  42. "My name is Cliff, and I'll be your, 'If you cannot afford an attorney' attorney." - Cliff - "Veronica Mars"
  43. "It was the least I could do. I always do the least I can do." - Hawkeye Pierce - "M*A*S*H"
  44. "I'm not nuts, I'm condiments. I've been promoted." - Murdock - "A-Team"
  45. "Don't worry about Murdock. In six weeks he won't be able to tell reality from breadsticks." - Face - "A-Team"
  46. "As my dear departed farther used to say, 'Listen to the stream of a river, and you'll fish out the trout!'" - Hannibal - "A-Team"
  47. "That has never satisfactorily been determined." - Murdock - "A-Team"
  48. "I lie, I cheat, I steal and I just don't get any respect." - Face - "A-Team"
  49. "He's not my boyfriend, he's just someone I'm trying on." - Carrie - "Sex in the City"
  50. "Oh my God! Who is driving? Bear is driving. How can that be?" - Dante - "Clerks the Animated Series"
  51. "Swell, I guess we can all sue Oceanic together." - Sawyer - "Lost"
  52. "I keep the blinds closed, so it's kinda disorientin'. But hey, I don't want the government in my business." - Carl - "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"
  53. "He thinks that I'm okay! And he touched me! And I'm not a monkey!" - Helga - "Hey Arnold"
  54. "She's pretty enough to be queen of the cheese festival." - Stinky - "Hey Arnold"
  55. "I'm going to be an inferior decorator!" - Ruthie - "7th Heaven"
  56. "I want your to know I consider you to be more than my shipmates. I consider you people that I've met." - Arnold Rimmer - "Red Dwarf"
  57. "Only Louis Bunuel did it better…" - Graham Chapman - "Monty Python's Flying Circus"
  58. "God will get you for that." Maude - "Maude"
  59. "Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'" - Peter - "Family Guy"
  60. "Watch your head, Skipper." - Gilligan - "Gilligan's Island"
  61. "I'm not driving him to the airport!" - Jerry Seinfeld - "Seinfeld"
  62. "Now that my friends - is one magic lugi" - Jerry - "Seinfeld"
  63. "Hello, Newman." - Jerry - "Seinfeld"
  64. "I'm Master of my Domain" - Jerry - "Seinfeld"
  65. "Do you think it will rain?... Might! Might not!" - from two old guys sitting on a porch in an herbicide commercial
  66. "Well isn't that Special." - Dana Carvey as the Church Lady - "SNL"
  67. "That boy ain't right." - Hank Hill - "King of the Hill"
  68. "Maggie, a hickie? Did you think you can hide it from me? You have to use oil based concealer!" - Fran - "The Nanny"
  69. "One of these days Alice, POW! Straight to the moon!" Ralph Kramden - "Honeymooners"
  70. "Rock. Hard Place. Me." - Chandler - "Friends"
  71. "Whoa." - Joey - "Blossom"
  72. "This is a mistake. I don't know how to have casual conversation. You think you're talking about one thing, and either you are and it's incredibly boring, or you're not because it's subtext and you need a decoder ring." - Dr. Gregory House - "House"
  73. "Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!" - Apu - "Simpsons"
  74. "That's what she said." - Michael Scott - "The Office"
  75. "You've got spunk ... I hate spunk!" - Lou Grant - "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"
  76. "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer!" - Dr. McCoy - "Star Trek"
  77. "I'm sorry, the Art Department is fresh out of invisibility paint." - Joshua - "The Agency"
  78. "Bob dole wants out. LeRusche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes." - Bob Dole - "Futurama"
  79. "Anybody got any cheese?" - Steve Urkel - "Family Matters"
  80. "I know nothing!" - Schultz - "Hogan's Heroes"
  81. "It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear." - Norm - "Cheers"
  82. "Sock it to me." - "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In"
  83. "Whassup?" - "Budweiser ad"
  84. "There's so much I don't know about running a house. For example, on these frozen dinners, when they say preheat the oven, do they mean the whole oven or just the space inside it?" - Earl - "Dinosaurs"
  85. "Carson Daly and a ball dropping. There is two images that should never be said in the same sentence." - Seth - "O.C."
  86. "RIGHT! I'm going to give you a damn good thrashing!" - Basil - "Fawlty Towers"
  87. "The Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking!" - Hyacinth Bucket - "Keeping up Appearances"
  88. "I'm afraid it's started to rain again." - Sybil Fawlty - "Fawlty Towers"
  89. "Is that Carcass with a C, or Karkass with a K? Because those are both great bands." - Phoebe - "Friends"
  90. "Trying is the first step towards failure." - Homer - "Simpsons"
  91. "Nobody listens to Zathras."- Zathras - "Babylon 5"
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