| | 1. Every sentence should make sense in isolation. Like that one. |
| | 2. Excessive hyperbole is literally the kiss of death. |
| | 3. ASBMAETP: Acronyms Should Be Memorable And Easy To Pronounce, and SATAN: Select Acronyms That Are Non-offensive. |
| | 4. Finish your point on an up-beat note, unless you can’t think of one. |
| | 5. Don’t patronise the reader-he or she might well be intelligent enough to spot it. |
| | 6. A writer needs three qualities: creativity, originality, clarity and a good short term memory. |
| | 7. Choose your words carefully and incitefully. |
| | 8. Avoid unnecessary examples; e.g. this one. |
| | 9. Don’t use commas, to separate text unnecessarily. |
| | 10. It can be shown that you shouldn’t miss out too many details. |
| | 11. Similes are about as much use as a chocolate teapot. |
| | 12. Avoid ugly abr’v'ns. |
| | 13. Spellcheckers are not perfect; they can kiss my errs. |
| | 14. Somebody once said that all quotes should be accurately attributed. |
| | 15. Americanisms suck. |
| | 16. Capitalising for emphasis is UGLY and DISTRACTING. |
| | 17. Underlining is also a big no-no. |
| | 18. Mixed metaphors can kill two birds without a paddle. |
| | 19. Before using a cliché, run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes. |
| | 20. There is one cheap gimmick that should be avoided at all costs…………..suspense. |
| | 21. State your opinions forcefully-this is perhaps the key to successful writing. |
| | 22. Never reveal your sources (Alistair Watson, 1993). |
| | 23. Pile on lots of subtlety. |
| | 24. Sure signs of lazy writing are incomplete lists, etc. |
| | 25. Introduce meaningless jargon on a strict need-to-know basis. |
| | 26. The word “gullible” possesses magic powers and hence it should be used with care. |
| | 27. The importance of comprehensive cross-referencing will be covered elsewhere. |
| | 28. Resist the temptation to roll up the trouser-legs of convention, cast off the shoes and socks of good taste, and dip your toes refreshingly into the cool, flowing waters of fanciful analogy. |
| | 29. Don’t mess with Mr. Anthropomorphism. |
| | 30. Understatement is a mindblowingly effective weapon. |
| | 31. Injecting enthusiasm probably won’t do any harm. |
| | 32. It is nice to be important, but it is more important to avoid using the word `nice.’ |
| | 33. Appropriate metaphors are worth their weight in gold. |
| | 34. Take care with pluri. |
| | 35. If you can’t think of the exact word that you need, look it up in one of those dictionary-type things. |
| | 36. Colons: try to do without them. |
| | 37. Nouns should never be verbed. |
| | 38. Do you really think people are impressed by rhetorical questions? |
| | 39. Pick a font, and stick with it. |
| | 40. Sufficient clarity is necessary, but not necessarily sufficient. |
| | 41. Less is more. This means that a short, cryptic statement is often preferable to an accurate, but drawn out, explanation that lacks punch and loses the reader. |
| | 42. Sarcasm-yes, I bet that will go down really well. |
| | 43. The problem of ambiguity cannot be underestimated. |
| | 44. Never appear cynical, unless you’re sure you can get away with it. |
| | 45. Many writer’s punctuate incorrectly. |
| | 46. Colloquialisms are for barmpots. |
| | 47. There is a lot to be said for brevity. |
| | 48. To qualify is to weaken, in most cases. |
| | 49. Many readers assume that a word will not assume two meanings in the same sentence. |
| | 50. Be spontaneous at regular intervals. |
| | 51. The era of the euphemism is sadly no longer with us. |
| | 52. Want to be funny? Just add some exclamation marks!!! |
| | 53. Want to appear whimsical? Simply append a smiley ;-) |
| | 54. Some writers introduce a large number, N, of unnecessary symbols. |
| | 55. Restrict your hyphen-usage. |
| | 56. Choosing the correct phrase is important compared to most things. |
| | 57. Some early drafts of this document had had clumsy juxtapositions. |
| | 58. Try not to leave a word dangling on its own |
| | 59. line. |
| | 60. The number of arbitrary constants per page should not exceed .13. |
| | 61. Use mathematical jargon iff it is absolutely necessary. |
| | 62. And avoid math symbols unless ? a good reason. |
| | 63. Poor writing effects the impact of your work. |
| | 64. And the dictionary on your shelf was not put there just for affect. |
| | 65. If there’s a word on the tip of your tongue that you can’t quite pin down, use a cinnamon. |
| | 66. If somebody were to give me a pound for every irrelevant statement I’ve ever read, then I would be very surprised. |
| | 67. Strangely enough, it is impossible to construct a sentence that illustrates the meaning of the word `irony.’ |
| | 68. Consult a writing manual to assure that your English is correct. |
| | 69. It has been suggested that some words are absolute, not relative. This is very true. |
| | 70. Be careful when forming words into a sentence-all orderings are not correct. |
| | 71. Many words can ostensibly be deleted. |
| | 72. In your quest for clarity, stop at nothing. |
| | 73. Complete mastery of the English language comes with conscientious study, notwithstanding around in bars. Moreover the next page. Inasmuch detail as possible. |
| | 74. Sporting analogies won’t even get you to first base. |
| | 75. If you must quote, quote from one of the all-time greats (Cedric.P. Snodworthy, 1964). |
| | 76. In the absence of a dictionary, stick to words of one syllabus. |
| | 77. Steer clear of word-making-up-ism. |
| | 78. Readers will not stand for any intolerance. |
| | 79. If there’s one thing you must avoid it’s over-simplification. |
| | 80. Double entendres will get you in the end. |
| | 81. Vagueness is the root of miscommunication, in a sense. |
| | 82. Don’t bother with those “increase-your-word-power” books that cost an absorbent amount of money. |
| | 83. Self-contradiction is confusing, and yet strangely enlightening. |
| | 84. Surrealism without purpose is like fish. |
| | 85. Ignorance: good writers don’t even know the meaning of the word. |
| | 86. The spoken word can look strange when written down, I’m afraid. |
| | 87. Stimpy the Squirrel says “Don’t treat the reader like a little child.” |
| | 88. Intimidatory writing is for wimps. |
| | 89. Learn one new maths word every day, and you’ll soon find your vocabulary growing exponentially. |
| | 90. My old high school English teacher put it perfectly when she said: “Quoting is lazy. Express things in your own words.” |
| | 91. She also said: “Don’t use that trick of paraphrasing…… [other people’s words]…… inside a quote.” |
| | 92. A lack of compassion in a writer is unforgivable. |
| | 93. On a scale of 0 to 10, internal consistency is very important. |
| | 94. Thankfully, by the year 2016 rash predictions will be a thing of the past. |
| | 95. There is no place for overemphasis, whatsoever. |
| | 96. Leave out the David Hockney rhyming slang. |
| | 97. Bad writers are hopefully ashamed of themselves. |
| | 98. Eschew the highfalutin. |
| | 99. Sometimes you publish a sentence and then, on reflection, feel that you shouldn’t ought to have been and gone and written it quite that way. |
| | 100. Practice humility until you feel that you’re really good at it. |