| | The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee. |
| | I will not sell miracle cures. |
| | I will return the seeing-eye dog. |
| | I will not waste chalk. |
| | I will not skateboard in the halls. |
| | I will not instigate revolution. |
| | I will not carve gods. |
| | I will not aim for the head. |
| | I will not barf unless I'm sick |
| | I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. |
| | I will not conduct my own fire drills. |
| | I will not fake seizures. |
| | This punishment is not boring and pointless. |
| | My name is not Dr. Death. |
| | I will not teach others to fly. |
| | I will not eat things for money. |
| | I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call. |
| | I did not see Elvis. |
| | I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes". |
| | Garlic gum is not funny. |
| | They are laughing at me, not with me. |
| | I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom. |
| | I will not encourage others to fly. |
| | I will not fake my way through life. |
| | Tar is not a plaything. |
| | It's potato, not potatoe. |
| | I will not trade pants with others. |
| | I am not a 32 year old woman. |
| | I will not do that thing with my tongue. |
| | I will not drive the principal's car. |
| | I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. |
| | I will not sell school property. |
| | I will not burp in class. |
| | I will not cut corners. |
| | I will not get very far with this attitude. |
| | I will not sell land in Florida. |
| | I will not grease the monkey bars. |
| | I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. |
| | I do not have diplomatic immunity. |
| | I will never win an emmy. |
| | The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy. |
| | All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. |
| | I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. |
| | My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. |
| | I am not deliciously saucy. |
| | Organ transplants are best left to professionals. |
| | There are plenty of businesses like show business. |
| | Spitwads are not free speech. |