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Qantas Airline Maintenance and Repairs Air Travel laughs Jokeman
FUNNY 
Tags: airlines, travel, Qantas, air travel, airline, airplanes, maintenance
In case you need a laugh: Here is an email list that someone sent me recently.
.... they said ............................Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
| 1. | P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. |
| 2. | P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. |
| 3. | P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. |
| 4. | P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. |
| 5. | P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. |
| 6. | P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. |
| 7. | P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. |
| 8. | P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. |
| 9. | P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. |
| 10. | P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. |
| 11. | P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. |
| 12. | P: Aircraft handles funny........... S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. |
| 13. | P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. |
| 14. | P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. |
| 15. | And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. |
Lister:
JokeMan
Source:
Unknown
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