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"The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs." Bill Maher Quotes
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Tags: Bill Maher, quotes, politics, comedy, talk show
William "Bill" Maher, Jr. is an American comedian, actor, writer, and producer.
| | Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake — you know, to send the right message to kids. |
| | If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too. |
| | New Rule: Stop introducing a new iPod every month. First came the original, then the Mini, then the Shuffle, now the Nano. It's so slim Kate Moss uses it to cut her cocaine. |
| | Apparently Bob Dole's new election strategy is to find a Republican policy so stupid, even Clinton won't copy it. |
| | Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show. |
| | Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. |
| | George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book. |
| | I don't dislike children, I just don't particularly want to be around with them a lot. Problem is, neither do their parents. |
| | If I had any interest in wooden sex with strings attached, I'd get married. |
| | It was like Groundhog Day. He popped out of a hole, and we got four more years of Bush. |
| | Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. |
| | Men are only as loyal as their options. |
| | Some local Indian tribes are so upset, they're scalping tickets. |
| | Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me — I quit.' |
| | The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people and don't come in clearly enough. |
| | The real axis of evil is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people. |
| | They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed. |
| | Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade? |
| | We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. |
| | Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. |
| | Don't become so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance. |
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