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Get in With the in crowd, How to Be Invited to Art Gallery/Exhibit Openings in NYC  
HOW TO 

Tags: Art Gallery, Art Exhibit, Openings, Invitations

Want to be in with the in crowd? Nothing guarentees this than snagging an exclusive invitaiton to a gallery opening.

1.	Go to art galleries and sign up for the mailing list. Then you'll be invited to every opening the gallery has.
2.	#Get yourself a copy of any essay collection by Susan Sontag, especially On Photography or Against Interpretation. Some might suggest that she is the true New York intellectual, and she isn't the "obvious hipster choice" like Paul Auster or Don Delillo that will immediately make you seem like a poseur, while others would suggest that name dropping Sontag labels you as an instant sell out. New Yorkers hate poseurs and people who wish they were from New York as much as they hate people who aren't from the city but complain about it.
3.	Hang out at "indie" coffee shops, especially in Williamsburg (even though it's a little played out, a lot of artists still hang out there), Park Slope, the West Village, and especially Bushwick. Do not hang out around NYU or St. Mark's Place because only tourists and students hang out there, and they're all annoying and you do not want to be associated with them, unless you want to get invited to the cool art parties they're going to... bring your Sontag book.
4.	Sit by the window so you can people-watch, but also make sure you can be seen. It is very important to both see and be seen because one is useless without the other. Wear something that doesn't look obviously ripped off a celebrity. Whatever you wore in middle-school is a good bet.
5.	If you insist on sitting in a coffee shop with your Sontag book, make sure you are constantly pretending to text people on your telephone.
6.	If you're a poseur, you should make sure that you never hold the book up for others to see. If they decide that you're hot, they'll have to work really hard to realize that you're reading something awesome and pretentious. If you are broadcasting what you are reading, they will know that you're trying to be seen, being seen, and it will ruin the intrigue.
7.	Instead of actually reading, eavesdrop on someone's conversation. Make sure it's a group of attractive hipsters. Chances are they'll be talking about art or music.
8.	If they name-drop an art gallery, they probably want to be heard. You can say, "Oh, is that the place on Greene street that had that minimalist sound art exhibit last month?" It is important to sound over-the-top pretentious, like you practically own the gallery and you're so much cooler than they are. Say, "Sorry, I used to work at a gallery so any art-talk catches my attention immediately." Or something stupid like that. If they ask about the gallery, make something up. Say you exhibited Michael Bevilacqua last month (note: learn to correctly pronounce his last name).
9.	If they give you a snobby look, keep dumping the pretension on them until they realize they have a kindred spirit. Respond to their snobby look with a snobby look of your own, and in fact, it might be nice to say something completely mean as hell at this point. For example, "Where on Long Island are you from?", or "Are you guys in New York for the first time?" will suffice.
10.	Just go to art galleries. Not that hard. Google search "Art gallery New York City" or "Art gallery Brooklyn" and then look up their schedules. Take a friend (or two, or three... the deeper you roll, the more popular you seem and the cooler everyone thinks you are) who is/are just as well-dressed as you are.
11.	Read a couple of articles about or reviews of the exhibit before you go. Pick up a couple of key words. Do research. Learn how to name-drop art movements and arts. Say the words "minimalist sound art" as often as possible.

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