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Five Tips for Avoiding a Power Struggle With Your Kid
HOW TO 
Tags: child behavior, parenting, kids and parents problems, how-to, strategies, Love and Logic methods, family power struggles
Quick tips for when you're having a knockdown (so to speak) dragout stand-off with your child. From the book "Try and Make Me!”, by Levy, O’Hanlon and Goode, 2001, published by Rodale Press. ISBN 1-57954-553-X (paperback). Also try "Love and Logic" website.
| 1. | ZIP IT--------- Allow your child to feel his consequence — resist the urge to keep telling him what he did wrong. If you must talk, clip it down to the bare minimum. |
| 2. | USE “BRAIN-DEAD” PHRASES.--------- Useful “brain-dead” phrases are “Good try.” “Could be.” "Sorry you feel that way.” (You still administer the consequences.) “I understand.” (This does NOT mean you agree.) ”Sorry you feel that way and I hope you get over it real soon.” “Good effort. Wouldn’t it be nice if it worked/were true?” [To a threat — running away, for example] “Sorry you feel you have to resort to that.” (Break eye contact and walk away. Never negotiate with a terrorist.) |
| 3. | COOL IT.--------- When your child does something inappropriate, don’t respond in anger. Just express your sadness as you give him the consequences. Sadness douses the fire; anger fuels it. |
| 4. | MORE CHOICES=LESS STRUGGLE.--------- Giive him control within reason. Let him make choices fit for a child, such as whether to make the bed first or brush his teeth. |
| 5. | NEVER SAY “I TOLD YOU SO”. --------- If your child gets hurt because he disobeyed you, he can figure out for himself that you were right. |
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