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Things I've Tried to Beat-Off To but Failed
STRANGE 
Tags: masturbate, masturbation, porn, pornography, sex, self, beat-off, hand, pictures, magazines, funny, LOL, sfw
An incomplete list of my unsuccessful masturbatory fodder. Just to be clear, in plain English, these are things I have attempted and failed to reach orgasm while masturbating to:
| | Janet Jackson's SuperBowl nipple slip |
| | Nightline |
| | an Herbal Essence shampoo commercial |
| | A tape of my 3rd birthday party |
| | Various Teletubbies episodes |
| | An antique wall clock |
| | the sound of Clay Aiken's voice |
| | The sunrise |
| | A bottle of wine with a naked girl on the label |
| | The Sears catalogs |
| | The Victoria Secrets catalogs |
| | Fingerhut catalogs |
| | Various inflight magazines |
| | ListAfterList.com |
| | Vic’s vapo-rub |
| | A book about the civil war |
| | The film Sophie’s Choice |
| | A squirrel I locked eyes with |
| | A subway coupon |
| | Nova ScienceNow |
| | A receipt from the hardware store |
| | the Garmin Nuvi GPS voice |
| | A lazy mountain river |
| | John Wayne’s headstone |
| | The Tuff Gong logo |
| | Meatloaf’s “Bat Outta Hell” record |
| | A medical supply catalog from 1983 |
| | The flash introduction on Toyota.com |
| | The idea of “unity” |
| | Paul Harvey |
| | Jack The Ripper walking tour |
| | A blank 3.5 high-density floppy disk |
| | An older Honda civic |
| | The Turner Diaries |
| | Lincoln Park Zoo’s penguin enclosure (just the structure not the Penguins) |
| | Nicorette |
| | A pan flute |
| | Walter Payton’s rookie card |
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Current list rating:
4.50
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I thought this would be inappropriate and stupid but I found it funny.
Comment by: karenage
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